| Let's get intimate |
[15 Jan 2007|08:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
So it's time to reevaluate what's best and important to me right now when it comes to dealings with the opposite sex. I always say I want a serious relationship, but how much time and energy do I really have to devote to such a thing?
I work 40+ hours a week, and after work, I'm often exhausted.
Eventually I will have a serious relationship, and I'll be married to her for at least 25-30 years, and seeing her precious little face, and hearing her precious little voice nagging the living hell out of me for 30 years. But I am only 23 years old right now. I shouldn't seek out my wife quite yet, and tie myself down like that. I don't even want kids right now either.
If I did have a relationship right now, a lot of it would involve phone calls, texts, IMs, and most likely driving a little ways to see her after we're both exhausted from work. You can imagine that those are quality moments, but nothing beats personal interaction. Phone calls and such things often leave you wanting more--things that you can't have at that moment.
I don't need someone else's love to complete me. I am already complete with or without her. But you know what I do need? Sex. That's right. Enough talking about love; it's time to change the goals. I'm going on a 5 month dry spell here, and I don't care if the whole world knows it and thinks it's gross. I don't want someone for a year or a lifetime right now. I want you for one night...well, maybe a few more if things go right.
|
|
| Still alive, and desperately need to update everything here! |
[27 Dec 2006|11:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
I was just looking over my LJ user info, and it's just a LOT out of date!
Anyway, I'm doing fine. I've converted over to myspace for blogs, like so many others. Add me if you're cool. My myspace is http://www.myspace.com/lewdicegum. Kind of a lame name, but I've never been good with names, so I don't wanna hear it.
Before I update my info, time to update this. Life's been pretty good--guess it could always be better though, and we're working on that over here at Erik Inc. Six out of those seven grad school applications are completed, aside from supplimental stuff like letters of recommendation. And once those 2 letters get completed, 2 professors are gonna get mugs from Halmark.
I had a good Christmas with the family. I gave my parents an Al Franken book and Niels got some carabiners because he's into rock climbing. And my parents gave me some money that I quickly put towards buying an awesome new digital camera, which I've wanted for a while. Since I ordered it online, I'm sure it'll come at the beginning of next year. Then I just need to find spare time to use it while working 2 jobs.
I'm also glad I got away from the family after Christmas. I feel uptight around them because the house is just...old, and kind of nasty, and not nicely decorated. It's not real inviting. I was thinking yesterday that flowers are something you put on tombstones, not on living room furniture fabric. I guess that's a bit too morbid to describe my parents' house. Color and patterns are more than just color and patterns; they have an effect on the psyche. And not to mention, my parents are who they are...I rarely see them burst out and have much fun. While driving down the road yesterday, I started bouncing around, singing, driving about 85, and I realized I hadn't done that for about 3 days.
Anyway, I need to get off into the day. And I need to stop waking up at 10 am again. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to wake up at 6:40 am again, so today's the last day I'm gonna let myself do that.
|
|
| Future Plans and future classes |
[12 Nov 2006|04:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
So after a lot less thought than I figured I'd need, I've decided my grad school application list. These are all going to be masters programs in industrial/organizational psychology. The list is of 7 schools, because if I apply to 7, I ought to get into at least one...and I kind of like the number 7, and Se7en is a good movie! Anyway...in no particular order...
1. Xavier University (in Cincinnati, OH)
2. George Mason University (in Fairfax)
3. East Carolina University (in Greenville, NC)
4. UNC Charlotte (guess where this is)
5. Radford University (in Radford, VA--it says their I/O program is good)
6. West Chester University (right near Philly)
7. University of Baltimore (guess where this is)
If anybody knows anything good/bad/interesting about these schools or these areas, please let me know. Any input is good input.
|
|
| A mini-rant about money |
[21 Oct 2006|02:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
I'm not doing this for sympathy, first off, but this thought has been bugging me through parts of the night and into this morning, so I need to write it somewhere in hopes of moving past this....
I have never talked to a financial aid counselor during college. I probably should have, even though I'm not in a horrible situation. I know most people have a nice debt once they leave college. I had a partial scholarship, but I just noticed that was a partial scholarship for tuition only, not all those other fees like housing, meals, and whatever else VCU wanted to bill me for. And I have a $17500 loan to pay off now. My parents will pay some of that, and they paid some of those weird VCU fees while I was in school without a loan.
When I go to grad school, as one of my first actions, I'm gonna talk with a financial aid person and see about grants and scholarships. I need to handle more financial matters myself, and my parents aren't the best with their money, I've come to notice. My mom spends it on expensive groceries, and my dad just doesn't spend anything on anyone, even himself. And I'll talk with friends about all this too when the time comes. I don't want sympathy, but if you have any helpful advice, please let me know. I feel better after this rant.
|
|
| Some secrets you may or may not know... |
[01 Oct 2006|11:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
I love both of my parents, but liking them is another matter. When my mom's not yelling crazy shit in one of 3 languages, I generally like her. I don't know if I can ever like my dad. I don't see him as much of a man...
I miss the last girl I made out and had sex with because I miss having sex, and she was the last one.
I like going to the state fair and if I had more money to burn, I'd burn it on some of the rides.
Football is my favorite sport, and these days I plan my Sundays around football.
I plan my Tuesday evenings so I can watch House.
I miss taking photographs with my camera.
I deceive myself into thinking I want to marry a girl. However, I've never loved another girl, and right now, can't think of anybody I want to wed...aside from a sham wedding.
I want to know how to do everything well.
I feel I'm a better person when I have a girlfriend around, but I'm tired of needing a girlfriend to make me feel better.
|
|
| And one more entry about jobs |
[09 Sep 2006|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
To accomodate the conflicting voices in my head, I've decided this is how I will approach my new job.
If I like working in schools, great, it's a career. If I don't, then hopefully I will be able to get out of it quickly, and I will pursue something different.
Hands-on experience is the best way for me to determine if I like doing something.
|
|
| and the job scene quickly changes |
[08 Sep 2006|11:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
I got a job today at Greenwood Elementary in Henrico--up near the Hanover line slightly west of I-95. I'm going to be an instructional assistant helping developmentally disabled children. The pay's not great, but oh well. I need experience in the school system to make sure I want to be a school psychologist. If I start to like it, I will apply to grad school for the fall 2007 semester for School Psychology and keep going from there. I called up the school today, they said they had openings, scheduled an interview for today, and before I knew what was going on, I was offered a job by the principal.
If I don't like working in the schools---and my initial nervousness does not subside---this will be the last time I ever mention any careers with an ologist suffix again. I will at that point look for anything to pay the bills, probably a sales job. I already started down this road because I was so unsure that any schools would hire me.
And of course, I am going to get a second, evening job. So don't look for me to have too much free time. Perhaps it's better that way because I detest sitting around the house.
One other thing...my far off future, marriage mainly. I hang around girls too much, so obviously I hear about marriage. Before i get married, I am going to have my career chosen. There'll be no 'ifs', like there are in this entry. I may not totally be great at my career yet, but I'll be on my way. Honestly, I could see myself being one of those guys that marries a woman 10 or so years younger than him. Right now, at my age, that's kind of disgusting. But when you're 30 and you marry a 22 year-old woman, that's not really disgusting because you're both fully-developed physically, and hopefully emotionally.
|
|
| manly thoughts, or more rambling? |
[29 Aug 2006|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
The more I think about it, the more my future education might end up looking something like my parents' education. They both majored in German (I think), then went to get their masters degrees, then went about to go become teachers. But in their day, teachers weren't needed. So they went back to school to learn computer stuff when PCs became popular. At least, that's how I understand the story. If you've met my parents, you'd wonder how much more to that story there is.
German's a pretty useless major, then again, psychology can be too. What might make me change course when I go back to school is my level of maturity now versus my maturity level when I decided to be a psychology major. Now it's a lot more, although it could still use work. Also, I wasn't thinking too much about careers when I became a psychology major. I blindly believed I'd just become a psychologist, failing to find out about the workload required to become a psychologist and failing to completely understand what kind of person I need to be to be a successful psychologist and complete a Ph.D. in psychology. Now I understand a lot of what goes on, and think I can become a successful school psychologist.
But there's still a question that nags me. What if I tried something else? I get upset because I'm not very crafty. Where's the boy who used to obsessively build and hoard Legos? I don't like desk jobs all that much unless I'm doing something active, such as drawing or writing by hand. What if I tried a job where you'd have to go through a few more years of school to be any good at a craft? It's a thought, a thought that could lead to investigation. First off, I need to find a job to pay for things before I go too far with this.
More and more, it seems like college was my "high school." I was anti-social, had no character, and very weird in high school. I'm surprised I didn't go in for counseling because I didn't have much of a friend circle and didn't develop many hobbies. In college, that changed; as I got well-acquainted with people that weren't my family, I saw so many different types of people and much better ways to live. Am I ready for the real world now, or am I ready for my real "college" life?
|
|
| ... |
[26 Aug 2006|06:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 listless |
] |
Too often, I can feel myself losing it. It's not a good feeling.
I'm sitting at my parents house, without a real job--although I do have a job, but it won't further my career goals. My parents don't do anything fun. Did they ever have a real marriage? In fact, I find myself keeping quiet about lots of things that disgust me here. Either that or I've just given up trying to fix them.
I don't want to be angsty, but I cannot be happy in this state. If I seem angsty to anybody, I'm sorry. I need to get myself out of this mess.
|
|
| hmmm |
[25 Aug 2006|01:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
So I noticed it's actually satisfying to fill out a few job applications. I'll send them off next week because I still need to know a few things.
And now my hand is tired of writing.
|
|
| so... |
[23 Aug 2006|12:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
When I move out of my parents house for good, I'm going to need a room mate. It'll be cheaper for me that way. If anyone's interested, let me know sometime.
I also think I'm gonna get a bed off of Freecycle and I'm going to need some furniture, which I'm not sure how I'll get quite yet.
|
|
| some more optimism |
[21 Aug 2006|12:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
This week seems like it will hold some more action. I'm going back to work at VCU for a little bit. I feel like I have a lot more direction now than even a week ago. I want to be a school psychologist and my education has already prepared me for it, and I know my connections at VCU will help me further prepare for it. Sure, I'll have to change my life around a bit, but I would have to make changes in my life for any job.
And as for the Erik Moving out of His Parents House Fund...it stands at $1. I need to work on that. Hopefully I'll move somewhere soon, even if it's around Richmond, and then move to whereever I want to go to school in a year or two.
|
|
| career plans |
[19 Aug 2006|07:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hungry |
] |
I've been a bad person and still haven't decided upon a career for me now even after graduating college. I promise this won't happen to my kids. My kids, whenever I have some, are going to know what they want to do with their lives before they go into college. I remember hearing that the state of Florida requires students to declare a major while in high school. I think that's a very good idea; school isn't there for just entertainment. You need to get something useful for the rest of your life out of it. And to those that say the kids aren't old enough to decide on a major in high school, I say bullshit. I'll say more if I have to explain that.
Anyway, now back to my dillema. I did think of career choice in high school. I wanted to be a rock star or a porn star. Soon, however, I realized my cock isn't that big (porn star cock = massive 2 foot bratwurst, erik cock = mere foot long hot dog) and I really can't play an instrument. I could write angsty emo songs decently, and probably still can, but the more I think about that now, I don't want to contribute at all to kids crying and cutting themselves because it's cool, nor do I want to contribute to wearing all black and wearing girls pants when you're a guy...you get the idea.
Then I thought about being a computer programmer. The crowd I hung with in high school loved computers. If they could figure out a way to attach themselves to a computer, they would do it, and probably play Everquest or some game like that all day. But I had this mental block when it came to math. It's not that I couldn't do it, but it took me forever. And the same problem happened with computer programming. To this day, I can't give a good explanation as to why this sort of thing took me forever. But it did rule out that career path for me.
Next, I turned to a psychology major. Naturally, the career path then turned to being a psychologist. Of all the paths i've mentioned so far, this one has not yet been ruled out! But once I changed my major to psychology, I knew very little about all the different types of psychologists and such.
Now that I'm out of college, I'm really eager to get back to work and have my own place again. Living with the parents will drive me insane. I'm already noticing myself taking on some traits I don't want to because I'm stuck at this house. So the careers I've been seriously considering now are these...
-Public policy research. I even called and emailed a few people on this one, but I'm slowly ruling it out. I need a PhD for this, and I'm not sure this is my calling. I want some sort of job environment that will be a little bit of fun. Working for a think tank in Washington DC doesn't seem terribly fun. And when I start getting really passionate about something political, I often ignore myself and my emotional needs. It's happened before and I don't want this.
-Police detective/forensic psychologist. I realize these are two different careers, but I'm lumping them together because they both involve catching criminals. This would be an interesting career for me, except the threat of getting shot at. Would I want to study individuals with serious mental problems? Would I want to solve the crime? Those are questions I need to answer quickly. I have obsessive tendencies at times, so I could get obsessed over catching someone.
-School Psychologist. I'm getting hungry and need food, so I'm gonna make this short. I even have experience in this one. I've volunteered at a boys and girls club, more and more I'm liking to talk with children/young adults, and at my research internship, I've listened to more tapes of 5th and 8th graders than most people can endure! No, the pay's not great, yet, it's not terrible. Obviously I need to specialize and become more comfortable around people. I could do this, and this is involved in the training to become a school psychologist. The only thing I'm probably never going to do well socially is become a great salesmen. School psychologists don't need to be great salesmen.
|
|
| ugh... |
[15 Aug 2006|11:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
I'm back. And of course some stuff piled up over here that needs to be taken care of, like...
- The CDs I sent to someone in New Mexico came back to me because I had the incorrect address on the package the US Postal Service workers, in addition to being mentally unstable, are now totally illiterate as well.
- Fox Rest Deposit returned. I can't deposit the check in the bank in its current form because Tiffany and I don't have a joint bank account. It's in the names of 'Tiffany Cox and Erik Naimon.' So I'm either gonna have to get Fox Rest to void the current deposit refund check and issue me a new one in my name only, or go to Blacksburg (actually Christiansburg because that's where a Suntrust is) and have Tiffany sign the check at the Suntrust there. Hopefully I can get the first one accomplished, because I only want to go to Blacksburg to visit Silvana...when she's there.. If I can do that, I'll just mail Tiff half the deposit and that'll be that.
- Cavalier telephone owes me $13. They've owed me about $13 for a month. They need to be bitched out and I need my money.
- A job, a job, a job. Oh yeah, and a career.
And there's probably other good shit I need to take care of. I've already done a few things...now it's time for intermission, then the show will go on.
|
|
| well...this is it for a while |
[17 Jul 2006|07:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
I'm going to Europe tomorrow with my crazy family. Maybe my mom will turn sane while she's in ihr Heimatsland. We're coming back on August 14, and going to Germany to visit family, then going to sit on the beach in Malta, for two weeks, then going back to Germany again to visit more family and fly back here. I'm pretty sure I'll cope, and try to get away on my own as much as I can. I'll miss my friends here though. Perhaps I'll randomly call one of you or even send postcards. I'm not feeling much like postcards this time, so it's more likely that I'll bring a few things back for people :) Bye bye for now.
|
|
| realization |
[13 Jul 2006|12:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
I'm not going to make $100,000 a year even right after graduating from a PhD program. Eventually it'll probably happen, but not right after I graduate.
And I'm also thinking of going to school further for fields related to psychology. In briefly scanning some sociological research being done, I found lots of varying and interesting topics being researched.
That's all I have for tonight.
|
|
| hmmmm... |
[09 Jul 2006|10:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
Some projects I'd like to take care of before the family leaves for Europe...
- Finish the bathroom. This involves new shower curtain, an over the toilet storage thing (assuming I can find a good one), new showerhead, new lamp coverings, and new rugs. I'll do this today.
- Fix up some of the handles on my dresser drawers. They're kind of icky and one's broken.
- Frame my diplomas and hang them on the wall (yup, I'm a nerd).
- Get a new frame for a Marilyn Monroe print I have and reframe the print.
- And count how many times my parents talk about politics in one day. This is harder than it seems because I like to get out the house or hang out in my room in the house when I'm home.
Ok, now to get started!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
eyeofkarma's journal